Tag Archives: mentally unhinged

TMND

Oh dear.

 dog

(That’s a dog by the way.)

[http://petswhowanttokillthemselves.com/]

a new age, a new approach: video resumes

With the advancement of technology and the growing competition in the job market it’s important to differentiate oneself. One idea is to make technology work in your favor. A video resume is one such way to do this.

However there is a thin line between looking interesting and innovative and looking like a total… how do you say, douchebag. Case in point: Aleksey Vayner. A man with high hopes who takes potential employers through a seven minute journey of why he is, in a nut shell, fucking awesome. The title of this spectacle? Impossible is Nothing.

If you do not feel like dedicating seven minutes of your life to watching a man you do not know at all jump off mountains (athletic!), work out (dedicated!), karate chop bricks (committed!) or play tennis (athletic again!)than let this choice quote represent the type of person Mr. Vayner is:

 “Anything you do you must pursue with your entire heart. Live your life openly, go all out for what you want to achieve and what you believe in. If you’re going to work, work. If you’re going to train, train. If you’re going to dance then dance! But do it with passion.” (cue to a two-minute long segment of him dancing in a sensual manner)

His video resume is nothing if not inspiring. Below, two other videos I hope to model my own video resume off.

The first can only be described in one word: awesome.

The second is entitled: “Impossible is Quite the Opposite of Possible”

this tuesday, hope has a new face

pop-off_1_Let me begin by saying “Yeah! On Tuesday Barack Obama will finally be president!” Now… to the matter at hand:

Tanisha from last season’s Bad Girls Club is back!

Now, if you are asking yourself: “Oh lawdy, what is Bad Girls Club…another crappy reality show?” The answer is yes, yes, yes. And it also appears that you have somewhat of a life, or at least one that isn’t filled with terrible television that will slowly but surely turn your brain into mush. I digress.

I first became exposed to this nuclear waste of a show via “smack the dicks outta your mouth” Kathy Griffin, circa early 2008. I began watching last year mid-season and, needless to say, after I witnessed the she-version of K. Fed ripping out part of Tanisha’s weave, I was hooked.

When it came time for this season I curled up to my television set all ready to be a bad girl alongside the new season’s girls. Carton of Cowboy Killers: check! Fifth of whiskey (or whatever alcohol I could get from the man I gave a BJ to behind the gas station since my license was taken away after my third DUI): check! Outfit consisting of polyester, leather and four inch heels: check!

And so I watched and ugghhh, it just was not the same. Yes there was fighting. Yes they were sluts. Yes, they were very “bad” but all this bad girl drama was giving me was a bad girl headache which I calculated out to be 92% show, 5% cheap liquor and 3% pack of Marlboro Reds. The show was missing that *pizzaz* of the last season.

What happened next is nothing short of a miracle. Before she could get kicked off the show, Kayla – who I will forever know as the girl that made fish nets a complete outfit – bounces out in the middle of the night and her replacement is none other than pot ‘n pan playin’, pop off’n, BAMF Tanisha. She makes her debut this season on tomorrow night’s 30 minute train wreck and there is no way it will be anything but magical.

And just in case you have no recollection of what I’m talking about, please enjoy this ….. Continue reading

please do not marry me

Okay, okay. I get it; men are scared of that final commitment – marriage. It’s some men’s belief that the day they get married is the day they must castrate themselves, thereby handing over their balls to a woman who will now control them for the rest of their lives, resulting in their “fun time” being restricted to the occasional Sunday they’re given permission to watch football and have a maximum of four beers.

 

Well, that’s getting off easyaccording to nomarriage.com! The site has written off marriage and serves as a “Public Service Announcement” to other men about the downfalls of marrying (everything) and the horror that is American women. It cautions men against any woman who actually believes in love, is interested in a successful career, and strives for personal growth and self-improvement. Like I said, horror!

 

Although deemed as a PSA, the site is really nothing more than a shamelessly extensive plug for some book describing the same thing: the awful downfalls of American women and marriage. I’m guessing the target audience is men who want to justify the fact that they haven’t had sex in about five years or those looking for an excuse to tell themselves for why they’ve never gone on an actual date. Maybe surprisingly, the site isn’t for men looking to “play the game” (that can be found here). In fact, the site directs those types to learn how to stop being controlled by “pussy” and instead, strive to make money so they can travel and find the only acceptable wife, a Latin American woman. Apparently the women there do not have “pussies.”

 

The content of the site leaves me feeling a bit bewildered. Not because I uphold the sanctity of marriage. That got thrown out the window with the climbing divorce rates, Prop 8 and the demise of Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage. (If they can’t do it, no one can.) And not because I take issue with those challenging the supposed “norms” of society. It’s because the site is so extreme that it’s laughable. Some premier examples include, but are not limited to:

 

“A modern western woman is raised to become an awful wife. Nothing can be done about it; the problems are in her head and they are 100% incurable and only get worse the more you are with her.”

 

“Children are overrated.”

 

Fucking decent mid-priced whores twice a week is a lot less expensive than a wife.”

 

These ludicrous statements cause me to wonder just what the hell happened to these individuals to make them such radicals. Is this because you didn’t hit puberty until 25? Is it because you fell in love with someone who didn’t give a flying fuck about you? Is it because you didn’t loose your virginity until your 30s…or at all? Is it because your best friend stole the love of your life? I mean what?!?!

 

The truth of the matter is that these men will never be happy – even if they find the ultimate goal of a Latin American woman – because they’re the type of people that find fault in everything. The type that bitches about being too hot when they take a winter vacation to the Caribbean; the one that whines after they receive a gift because they really wanted something better; the type that spends more time complaining than it would take to rectify the situation. Basically, assholes.

 

All I have to say is, thank God none of you are procreating.

hot dog!

hotdog

It’s 9:00 in the morning and I’ve somehow already managed to stumble upon this miraculous photo and use it in a work email. I’m not sure what this says about me, but I do know that this breathtaking image will remain burned in my mind all day long.

Haute dawg!

well fancy that

Lads and ladies, I am throwing what little shred of dignity I may have had left out the window to bring you Hollywood Tails. To further dig my grave in your minds, I will even expose the source that led me to find this goldmine: Dog Fancy and Cat Fancy.

 

As long as my dignity is out the window, I might as well just go balls out and be perfectly honest with you. I am perhaps one of the biggest fans of the incredible monthly publications that are Dog/Cat Fancy. Mind you, there can’t be more than 80 of us, but a proud fan I am. I first became exposed to this *gem* about a year ago and was immediately enthralled with how these two separate publications could possibly fill entire magazines with features about pets.

 

Seeing as most people do not have access to these literary works I will give you a quick rundown of some of my favorite articles: “Namaste Puppy: A Guide to Doing Yoga with your Dog,” “Living with a Deaf Cat,” “The Refined Canine: A Crash Course in Holiday Manners,” and “The Cats of Key West.” And I always look forward to each issue’s centerfold as well as the latest boutique items I can buy for my pet. How else would I have found the leash-attachable camera that allows me to check up on my little one while I’m away and enable me to see exactly what he/she sees all day? I’ve often thought to myself that I need to see more knee-caps and crotches.

 

So folks, now you have your background which now allows us to discuss the matter at hand: Hollywood Tails, one of the most disturbing yet equally fascinating websites of modern day time.

 

Basically, some cat-person (who in my personal option are all a hint of nutty) with a disturbing fetish got the brilliant idea to remake famous movie scenes with animals as the stars. But wait. These aren’t just any scenes – they are the most sexually overt movie scenes out there. I give you: the orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally, the naked Heart of the Ocean drawing from Titanic, the clay fondling sex scene from Ghost. In fact I think that last scene is considered illegal in most states.

 

But if the sexy scenes from “When Hairy Met Shaggy,” “Catanic” and “Ghosty” aren’t your thing maybe you’ll enjoy the action-packed clip from “Kitty & Louise,” the dramatic and emotional scene from “The Dogfather” or the classic elegance seen in “Casabarka.”

 

Whatever your desire, watch and be merry. For your viewing pleasure I’ve linked all the stunning clips after the jump. Just don’t tell anywhere where you heard about this… Continue reading

right on target

target1As a city dweller, I’ve found that one of the things I most miss from my sheltered suburban life is shopping centers. And no, I never thought I’d say that. Seeing as trips to Target now are special occasions, I wasn’t too surprised when I ended up spending enough time there this past weekend to: watch two movies, knit a sweater large enough for one of those obese people documented on TLC or travel to Indianapolis.

 

Needless to say, at the end of my trip my stomach and I were both ready to cut loose and devour those Maui Onion chips I purchased. What at first seemed to be an easy enough task proved to be much more difficult upon meeting my cashier. Continue reading