Tag Archives: awesomely uncomfortable

a new age, a new approach: video resumes

With the advancement of technology and the growing competition in the job market it’s important to differentiate oneself. One idea is to make technology work in your favor. A video resume is one such way to do this.

However there is a thin line between looking interesting and innovative and looking like a total… how do you say, douchebag. Case in point: Aleksey Vayner. A man with high hopes who takes potential employers through a seven minute journey of why he is, in a nut shell, fucking awesome. The title of this spectacle? Impossible is Nothing.

If you do not feel like dedicating seven minutes of your life to watching a man you do not know at all jump off mountains (athletic!), work out (dedicated!), karate chop bricks (committed!) or play tennis (athletic again!)than let this choice quote represent the type of person Mr. Vayner is:

 “Anything you do you must pursue with your entire heart. Live your life openly, go all out for what you want to achieve and what you believe in. If you’re going to work, work. If you’re going to train, train. If you’re going to dance then dance! But do it with passion.” (cue to a two-minute long segment of him dancing in a sensual manner)

His video resume is nothing if not inspiring. Below, two other videos I hope to model my own video resume off.

The first can only be described in one word: awesome.

The second is entitled: “Impossible is Quite the Opposite of Possible”

CTA bus drivers: crashing straight into your heart and mine in the year 2009

It was Sunday. The temperatures had dropped dramatically and as I was just about ready to pee my pants for some sense of warmth, yet another Broadway bus passes me by. Where oh where is the Clark #22? But alas! Just as I finished my 37th jumping jack to get my blood circulating once again a mysterious bus, sans any route number, pulls up. The bus driver motions to me that this is in fact the Clark bus.

I hope aboard, beep beep my CTA card, and am relieved to look up and find that I will not be grouped inappropriately by other members of the bus this evening. I proceed down the aisle until I hear the bus driver calling me back. What happened next went as follows:

Bus Driver: Excuse me ma’am…

Moi’: Oh, yes?

BD: Didn’t I see you earlier today?

M: Umm…I don’t know. Maybe? (polite and slightly nervous laughter)

BD: I saw you walking on the street and I thought to myself: ‘Ohhh, that girl in the brown boots right there is. so. fine. I wish. I was. her boyfriend.’

M: —- (stunned look)

Quickly look around to see if I’m being Punk’d or Hidden Camera-ed, then remember those shows no longer exist. Remember that new, dreadful looking show “Howie Do it” with Howie Mandel where H. Man dresses incognito and pranks people. Check for hit of baldness with a side of triangular-shaped facial hair that resembles lip drool. Hm, nope.

BD: Now you have yourself a very happy new year.

M: Ha! Thanks! You too!

I walk towards the back of the bus feeling like the hottest thing to step on bus #22 since 2008 and sit down. Then, as if I didn’t already love this overweight, hairy bus driver enough, he does something to make the entire bus fall under his spell. Apparently the number display outside the bus wasn’t the only thing not working on this bus. (Sure glad those CTA hikes happened.) Its intercom announcing the upcoming stops was also bust. So, in the sultry, seductive likeness of Billy Dee Williams, the driver begins to announce each stop in the exact manner as the automated voiceover. The bus is delighted! (read: the bus is me. the other eight people don’t giving a flying fuck or don’t notice because they’re busy jammin’ to the likes of “Pussy Monster” by Lil’ Wayne.)

Oh. Here comes my stop. (“Approaching Clark and Aldine/School.”) How shall I plan my exit? Do I go out of my way to exit through the first door near my CTA lover? Do I give him a gentle nipple squeeze on the way out to show my appreciation? Perhaps I could do a discreet boob grab while exiting the rear doors? Nah. I’ll just walk out. But oh that bus driver, he wouldn’t just let me sneak on by… As I wait for the bus to drive past me so I can cross, he in slow-motion waves to me and gives me a look as if to say, “I will haunt your dreams forever.”

And he has.

well fancy that

Lads and ladies, I am throwing what little shred of dignity I may have had left out the window to bring you Hollywood Tails. To further dig my grave in your minds, I will even expose the source that led me to find this goldmine: Dog Fancy and Cat Fancy.

 

As long as my dignity is out the window, I might as well just go balls out and be perfectly honest with you. I am perhaps one of the biggest fans of the incredible monthly publications that are Dog/Cat Fancy. Mind you, there can’t be more than 80 of us, but a proud fan I am. I first became exposed to this *gem* about a year ago and was immediately enthralled with how these two separate publications could possibly fill entire magazines with features about pets.

 

Seeing as most people do not have access to these literary works I will give you a quick rundown of some of my favorite articles: “Namaste Puppy: A Guide to Doing Yoga with your Dog,” “Living with a Deaf Cat,” “The Refined Canine: A Crash Course in Holiday Manners,” and “The Cats of Key West.” And I always look forward to each issue’s centerfold as well as the latest boutique items I can buy for my pet. How else would I have found the leash-attachable camera that allows me to check up on my little one while I’m away and enable me to see exactly what he/she sees all day? I’ve often thought to myself that I need to see more knee-caps and crotches.

 

So folks, now you have your background which now allows us to discuss the matter at hand: Hollywood Tails, one of the most disturbing yet equally fascinating websites of modern day time.

 

Basically, some cat-person (who in my personal option are all a hint of nutty) with a disturbing fetish got the brilliant idea to remake famous movie scenes with animals as the stars. But wait. These aren’t just any scenes – they are the most sexually overt movie scenes out there. I give you: the orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally, the naked Heart of the Ocean drawing from Titanic, the clay fondling sex scene from Ghost. In fact I think that last scene is considered illegal in most states.

 

But if the sexy scenes from “When Hairy Met Shaggy,” “Catanic” and “Ghosty” aren’t your thing maybe you’ll enjoy the action-packed clip from “Kitty & Louise,” the dramatic and emotional scene from “The Dogfather” or the classic elegance seen in “Casabarka.”

 

Whatever your desire, watch and be merry. For your viewing pleasure I’ve linked all the stunning clips after the jump. Just don’t tell anywhere where you heard about this… Continue reading

right on target

target1As a city dweller, I’ve found that one of the things I most miss from my sheltered suburban life is shopping centers. And no, I never thought I’d say that. Seeing as trips to Target now are special occasions, I wasn’t too surprised when I ended up spending enough time there this past weekend to: watch two movies, knit a sweater large enough for one of those obese people documented on TLC or travel to Indianapolis.

 

Needless to say, at the end of my trip my stomach and I were both ready to cut loose and devour those Maui Onion chips I purchased. What at first seemed to be an easy enough task proved to be much more difficult upon meeting my cashier. Continue reading

mixing work and play is easy — just add booze

In many a person’s lives they work and they play. (>insert stereotypical quote about “work hard, play hard” here< ) More often than not, these two events are separate from one another. However, there are those times where the tight hair buns are let loose, the ties become undone, and the dress shirts get untucked – yes, I am talking about office parties. Continue reading